


you took the sun with you when you left

by fullmoonstar



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Canon Gay Character, Character Death, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Multi, William McKinley High School
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:29:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27656183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmoonstar/pseuds/fullmoonstar
Summary: it’s only after Kurt’s gone when they start wishing they’d done things differently.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sam Evans/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	you took the sun with you when you left

They don’t believe it at first. They get the news on Monday morning and they look at each other and burst out laughing. But then Mr. Shuester doesn’t tell them it’s a joke and Finn yells at them because it’s not funny. 

They look at each other again. But this time they’re not laughing. Instead, they think about Kurt. They think about how happy he looked and that there was no way they could’ve seen this coming. 

They think about Kurt singing and playing the piano, talking about his dreams and making fun of Rachel’s clothes. Laughing at inside jokes that no one understands with Mercedes, singing amazingly duets with Santana and painting Brittany’s nails. Sarcastic comments and being so funny without even realizing it. 

They think about the weird clothes Kurt always wore and his bright blue-green eyes that light up when he talked about something he loved. The dimple he’d get in his cheek whenever he laughed and his soft brown hair that only Brittany and Sam were allowed to toch. 

They think about Kurt complaining how single he was and then months later Kurt holding Sam’s hand in the hall ways and wearing his leather man jacket. They think about Kurt, and they just can’t understand that he would do this to himself. They don’t understand how Kurt, who seemed like the happiest person in the world could kill himself. 

But then they think about Kurt with tears in his eyes telling them about his mom, and Kurt not smiling once in the few days his dad was in the hospital. And they know it’s a cliché thing to say, but they should’ve seen this coming. 

Rachel remembers Kurt fighting her for solo’s. But then Defying Gravity happening and Kurt giving up. Mr. Shue giving Rachel all the solo’s and Kurt not saying a word. She also remembers going back to the choir room because she forgot her jacket and seeing Kurt in the middle of the room. He’s belting out the note, the one that he messed up. And when he’s finished he sits down, leaning on the wall and hands covering his face. He’s starts sobbing and Rachel runs out of the school. She doesn’t think about it for almost a year, but then Kurt kills himself and Rachel wishes she’d walked over to him and told him how talented he was. 

Finn remembers Kurt calling him once an hour asking him if he’s okay and freaking out when Finn’s a little later. He remembers going out of town with Carole and Burt to visit some family and Kurt staying at home because he’s sick. They come back a day later and are greeted with Kurt sitting on the couch wearing a hoodie of Finn that’s way too big on him. He runs towards them when they walk in and hugs all three of them, he tells them how worried he was and how happy he is that they’re back. 

Finn remembers Kurt falling asleep a few minutes later and Burt telling him about Kurt’s mom. He tells him that ever since his mom passed away Kurt’s afraid of losing people he cares about. Sometimes he has great days, where you can leave the house and he won’t even notice that you’re gone. But most of the days are bad, nights where he can’t sleep before he’s wished you a good night and knows that you’re safe. Finn remembers thinking how exhausting that must have been, and he wishes he had texted Kurt that he was okay more often. 

Quinn remembers Kurt looking after her all the time when she was pregnant. Standing up to give her a seat at lunch and getting angry at whoever called her a slut. Coming up with baby names even though Quinn told him she wasn’t planning on keeping the baby. Buying dresses and ribbins before they even know it’s gender, and Kurt laughing and hugging her when they find out it’s a girl. She remembers snapping at him a few days before she gives birth. Because Quinn wants to give Beth up and Kurt knows he has no say in it, but he just feels like he has formed a bond with Beth and he doesn’t want to lose her. Quinn remembers Kurt telling her this with tears in his eyes and she wishes she had kept Beth.

Puck remembers becoming friends with Kurt after he joins the football team and Puck joins glee. He remembers Kurt yelling at him after finding out that Puck is Beth’s dad and later comforting him when Shelby adopts her. They become friends and don’t talk about their past. But Puck remembers Kurt still flinching around him sometimes and looking scared when Puck raises his voice, and he wishes he could build a time machine and go back in time to talk some sense into his younger self. 

Mercedes remembers Kurt talking about calories way too often. And how eating healthy sometimes became swearing off junk food and ice-cream. Always wearing multiple layers to cover his hips and long sleeves even if it was a hunderd degrees outside. Kurt eating almost nothing at lunch and always been cold. Mercedes remembers Kurt telling her she’s beautiful the way she is, and she wishes she had told him the same thing. 

Tina remembers Kurt comforting her whenever she cried. Others just rolled their eyes and looked away. Probably thinking “Oh look, the Asian girl is crying again.” But not Kurt, he’d wrap his arms around her and whisper that everything was gonna be fine. She remembers Kurt telling her she could call him or tekst him whenever she felt lonely or needed someone to talk to. Tina remembers walking into the choir room early and seeing Kurt crying, then wiping away his tears and smiling with that dimple in his cheek, and Tina wishes she’d been there to comfort Kurt too. 

Santana remembers making fun of others with Kurt. His comforting smiles whenever Brittany and Artie were together and listening to her rant about her feelings. Helping her figure out her sexuality and telling her how much she matters. Talking to coach Sylvester to get Santana back on the cheerios and Santana teaching him how to act on a date. Santana remembers denying it whenever someone asked if they were friends, and she wishes she’d realized how important Kurt was to her when he was still alive. 

Brittany remembers Friday night sleep-overs with Kurt. Baking cookies, playing with Lord Tubbington and watching hours of Friends together. Kurt telling her that Phoebe reminds him of her and Brittany telling him Chandler reminds her of him. Kurt helping her with her homework and standing up for her when other people call her stupid. Brittany remembers Kurt calling her Britt-Britt and Brittany calling him her dolphin, and she wishes that her dolphin didn’t have to say goodbye.

Sam remembers Kurt apologizing immediately everytime they have a little disagreement and blushing and looking down whenever Sam complimented him. How Sam flirted with him for weeks and he never noticed. It wasn’t until Sam told him to his face he really liked him and if they could go out sometime, and even then Kurt asked him if he was sure and if he didn’t want to ask Quinn out instead. He kept asking this even after they started dating. Sam remembers Kurt playing with Stacey and Stevie, always telling Sam that he needed a hair cut and calling him Samuel when he got angry. He remembers laying on his bed with Sam playing the guitar and Kurt softly singing, and Sam wishes he had told Kurt how much he loved him. 

Mike remembers going to dance class with Kurt and Brittany. Kurt losing himself in the music and twirling Brittany around. Having dance competitions with Mike and Mike winning everytime. Getting the entire football team to dance to single ladies and performing with the Cheerios. He remembers Santana joking and saying he’s a worse dancer than Finn, and she doesn’t mean it but words still hurt. Mike remembers Kurt missing dance class after that and staying in the background whenever the New Directions performed, and Mike wishes he’d let Kurt win their dance competitions sometimes. 

Artie remembers becoming friends with Kurt in middle school. They bond over the fact they they’re both outcasts, the gay kid and the nerd in the weelchair. They play games together and sing songs. Kurt is there for Artie when Artie’s sad because he’s never gonna be able to dance, and Artie is there for Kurt when Kurt’s afraid of his dad’s reaction when he comes out. He remembers things changing after they join glee, Artie starts spends all his time with Tina and Kurt hangs out with Mercedes and Brittany. They go from talking to each other everyday to weeks going by with only greeting each other once. Artie remembers Tina breaking up with him for Mike and having the urge to talk to Kurt about it, and Artie wishes he hadn’t lost contact with the boy who used to be his best friend. 

Mr. Hummel remembers Kurt always being afraid. Kurt with tears in his eyes telling him that it breaks his heart to see him with Finn. Kurt spending the weekends working at the garage instead of hanging out with friends. The anonomous phone call and Kurt telling him that he’s used to it. Cooking dinner every night using one of his mom’s recipes and refusing to let anyone help him. Kurt making sure there’s no junk food in the house and not leaving Mr. Hummel’s side for days after he comes back from the hospital. Mr. Hummel remembers hearing from Finn how bad the bullying at school had gotten, and he wishes he had seen how much Kurt was really hurting. 

Mr. Shuester remembers Kurt auditioning for glee club singing Mr. Cellophane and being impressed by his voice. Kurt complaining about only singing background vocals while Finn and Rachel sing lead, and Mr. Shue telling him to have patience because his time will come. He remembers Kurt’s face when Mr. Shuester tells him he can’t audition for the Wicked solo and Kurt never asking for another solo again after he blows the note. Mr. Shuester remembers finding a piece of crumbled paper in the choir room after Bryan Ryan tells the kids to write down their dreams, and in Kurt’s neat hand writing it reads ‘being appreciated.’ 

Mr. Shuester remembers Rose’s Turn, 4 Minutes, A House is not a Home, I Want To Hold Your hand, Le Jazz Hot, and he wishes he had appreciated Kurt when he still had the chance. 

Ms. Pillsbury remembers Kurt always looking at the floor when he walked down the hallway. Going out of his way to avoid the jocks and coming to school right on time. She remembers dumpster dives, slushies and so much more. She sees it happening, she talks about it with Mr. Shuester and principal Figgins. But they don’t do anything so neither does she. She remembers calling Kurt into her office and Kurt bursting into tears telling her that he feels like giving up sometimes, and she wishes she had been there to help Kurt.

The Cheerios remember spying on the New Directions and hearing Kurt sing. They remember telling Santana and Brittany to get Kurt to join the Cheerios because he’s exactly what they need to win Nationals. They remember winning and Kurt smiling and jumping around with Brittany and even Santana is laughing and hugging him. Kurt helping them get ready before competitions and giving them advice. The Cheerios remember coach Sylvester making Kurt captain and his face lichting up, and they wish Kurt had realized how much he had meant to them.

Coach Sylvester remembers Kurt performing. Not just singing or dancing but actually performing. And as much as she hates to admit it, the New Directions are talented, they really are. But most of them will never become the stars they dream of becoming, simply because they sing songs but they don’t make you feel the emotion. Kurt does. He has you crying your eyes out with the way he plays piano, laughing at his facial expressions and dancing to his voice. She remembers thinking Mr. Shuester is crazy for obsessing over that Berry girl so much when her Porcelain is right there, and she wishes he had stuck around long enough to become a star. 

They should’ve been nicer to him. They should’ve returned his calls. They should’ve protected him from bullies. They should’ve done all the things they didn’t do. They should’ve, they should’ve and they should’ve. But they didn’t, and now it’s too late because Kurt’s gone. They weren’t there for Kurt when he needed them, and now they will never have to listen to him talk about Marc Jacobs or Alexander McQueen ever again. No more standing up for his friends or extremely high voice when he gets excited. Never holding Sam’s hand again or singing Brittany to sleep. He won’t be Finn’s best man and he won’t be there to see Quinn and Puck finally getting together. 

And the New Directions don’t know what hurts them more. The fact that Kurt will never grow old or that they have to grow old without him.


End file.
